


Butt Fuck It?

by daggerhaz



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-18 02:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18111602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daggerhaz/pseuds/daggerhaz
Summary: @Louis_Tomlinson: hey sexy (;@Harry_Styles: Excuse me?@Louis_Tomlinson: i was gonna make a gay joke butt fuck it





	1. butt fucks & dad jokes

**Author's Note:**

> also on wattpad ! my user is @xbeautifulstyles (;

•••

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : hey sexy (;

**@Harry_Styles** : Excuse me?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I was gonna make a gay joke butt fuck it .

**@Harry_Styles** : Do I know you?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : course . the man of your dreams

**@Harry_Styles** : ?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : cmon bro , loosen up

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : liven up a little

**@Harry_Styles** : Oh, sorry.

**@Harry_Styles** : WOO

**@Harry_Styles** : Better?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : no but I'll take what I can get . so what's up , sweet cheeks ? (;

**@Harry_Styles** : I don't even know you.

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : that's why we play twenty questions, silly

**@Harry_Styles** : I'd rather not.

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : pu$$y

**@Harry_Styles** : I'm blocking you, bye.

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : NO WAIT DONT . Ill be good , promise

**@Harry_Styles** : Okay...

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : so

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : what's shakin bacon

**@Harry_Styles** : Nothing, really. Just hanging with my friend Niall

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : nice, nice . you're really boring . tell me a joke

**@Harry_Styles** : (((:

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : oh no

**@Harry_Styles** : I'd be happy to

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I've made a terrible mistake

**@Harry_Styles** : Why did the bicycle fall over?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : idk

**@Harry_Styles** : Because it was two tired

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : lame

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I could do better

**@Harry_Styles** : Wow rude

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : facts™

**@Harry_Styles** : Blocked and reported for harassment

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : (;

**@Harry_Styles** : Fine I have another one if that wasn't good enough

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : let's hear it

**@Harry_Styles** : Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : ??

**@Harry_Styles** : He didn't have the guts

**@Harry_Styles** : BDUM TSSSS

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I gotta admit that one was better than the first one but still mediocre

**@Harry_Styles** : Fuck off

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : woah there . don't be a meaner now

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : harry ??

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm sorry ): I love your jokes, they're cute

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : like you (;

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I guess you're busy ): ttyl cutie

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : *insert good gay joke here*

 


	2. little shit & little bitch

**@Harry_Styles** : Hiii

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : hey boo

**@Harry_Styles** : How are you on this fine day?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : a kid just threw a balloon at me I'm feeling quite attacked

**@Harry_Styles** : Aw

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I threw my pencil and I tried to aim for his shoulder but it accidentally hit his head

**@Harry_Styles** : OH MY GOD. Is he okay???

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : eh he's still breathing . I'd say he's fine

**@Harry_Styles** : LOUIS

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : what

**@Harry_Styles** : Go help him and apologize.

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : yes, daddy

**@Harry_Styles** : nO

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : so you don't want me to apologize ??

**@Harry_Styles** : Louis I stg

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : what

**@Harry_Styles** : You know what

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm wearing my glasses today and I feel like a noob

**@Harry_Styles** : Aw glasses are cute

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : aw you just called me cute ((:

**@Harry_Styles** : Wait what

**@Harry_Styles** : No I didn't

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : basically

**@Harry_Styles** : I don't even know what you look like, how could I call you cute

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : do you want my instagram ?

**@Harry_Styles** : Um sure

...

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : dAmn pApi

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I mean

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you're alright looking I guess

**@Harry_Styles** : dAmn dAddy

**@Harry_Styles** : I mean

**@Harry_Styles** : You're pretty ugly, I guess

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : r00d

**@Harry_Styles** : I'm kiDDing. You're a hottie even though you're a little shit

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm taking that as a compliment

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you're also a hottie even tho you're a little bitch

**@Harry_Styles** : Is that what we are?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : what

**@Harry_Styles** : The little shit and the little bitch

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : yes

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : together we will rule the world, slaying one hoe at a time

**@Harry_Styles** : I HAVE A JOKE

**@Harry_Styles** : I HAVE A JOKEKEKE

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I HAVE MANY

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : CAN I SAY MINE

**@Harry_Styles** : NO CUZ I WAS HERE FIRST

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : FINE THEN HURRY

**@Harry_Styles** : tWO ATOMS ARE WALKING DOWN THE STREET  
ATOM NUMBER ONE SAYS "I JUST LOST AN ELECTRON"  
ATOM NUMBER TWO SAYS "ARE YOU SURE?"  
ATOM NUMBER ONE SAYS "YES IM POSITIVE"

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : weak

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : MY TURN

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : knock knock

**@Harry_Styles** : Who's there?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : wanda

**@Harry_Styles** : Wanda who?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : wanda go on a ride on my broomstick ? (;

**@Harry_Styles** : Wow how clever

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you can be my bad witch (;

**@Harry_Styles** : I thought I was the little bitch

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you can be both

**@Harry_Styles** : Oh, yay

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm serious tho

**@Harry_Styles** : About what?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : ohmygod harold . the joke/not joke

**@Harry_Styles** : Ohh. I'll think about it

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : really??

**@Harry_Styles** : Yup and I've figured out my answer

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : and ?? (:

**@Harry_Styles** : Try again next week, sweaty (: x H

 


	3. holey

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : pst

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : pst

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : pSt

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : harry

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : harold

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : hairy

**@Harry_Styles** : Louis, it's 3am. What on earth do you want

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm bored ):

**@Harry_Styles** : I have a suggestion

**@Harry_Styles** : Sleep??

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : sleep is for the weak

**@Harry_Styles** : Gee thanks

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : plus it's boring

**@Harry_Styles** : If you dream it isn't

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : what kinds of stuff do you dream about ?? (;

**@Harry_Styles** : Um

**@Harry_Styles** : Oh ya know .. man stuff

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : like ??

**@Harry_Styles** : I don't wanna say it

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : come on , we've been texting for a whole three days. we're practically married. now tell me, boo

**@Harry_Styles** : Boo?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you're off topic . now tell me now before I block you forever

**@Harry_Styles** : Promise you won't judge

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : pinky promise

**@Harry_Styles** : Okay well

**@Harry_Styles** : Yesterday my hair was really soft, like softer than Jesus' asshole, and I know exactly what that feels like because I had a dream once that I was hitting it from behind

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : hARRY

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : wHYKSKD

**@Harry_Styles** : He feels

**@Harry_Styles** : Holey

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : HAROLDSKKD

**@Harry_Styles** : You said you wouldn't judge ):

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : how can you expect me not to judge you when you just said you buttfucked Jesus in your dream ??

**@Harry_Styles** : .

**@Harry_Styles** : Goodbye.

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : aw I'm sorry . did I upset my boo ?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : bud** fuckin autocorrect

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : nah I meant boo

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : harryyyyyy

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : harrY it's been ten minutEs . cum bak

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'll love u forever

**@Harry_Styles** : What do you want you meaner

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : long time no see

**@Harry_Styles** : It was eleven minutes

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : eleven minutes too long

**@Harry_Styles** : Wanna know what else is too long?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : (;

**@Harry_Styles** : My patience for you

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I hope it's as long as your dick

**@Harry_Styles** : Go to sleep, you horny little shit

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : aw our nicknames are back (,:

**@Harry_Styles** : SleeP

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : whatever you say, little bitch

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : daddy**

 


	4. send nudes

**@Harry_Styles** : LOUIS

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : good morning to you also, harry

**@Harry_Styles** : I have a question

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : which is?

**@Harry_Styles** : Is it okay if I add you to a groupchat with some friends? I told them about you and they keep pestering me about it :/

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : aw that's cute . sure, that's fine with me

**@Harry_Styles** : Okay ((:

-

_*_ **_@Harry_Styles_ ** _added @_ **_Louis_ ** ___ **_Tomlinson_ ** _to the chat*_

**@Harry_Styles** : Guys, this is the guy I've been talking to you about (:

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : sheesh, harold . you're making it sound like we're married

**@NiallOfficial** : might as well be by the way he's been talking about ya

**@LiamPayne** : rt

**@Harry_Styles** : gUys

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : hm should we now ?? (;

**@Harry_Styles** : This was a mistake

**@Harry_Styles** : ANYWAYS

**@Harry_Styles** : No one will ever understand how peaceful baking is

**@Harry_Styles** : I was just frosting a cupcake and I was so in the zone and relaxed omg

**@NiallOfficial** : harry stop acting like you're a baker, you were a cashier

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : ohh . so is this what he does in is free time ?? baking ??

**@LiamPayne** : he always makes exotic smoothies and makes us all try them . it's atrocious.

**@zayn** : he probably gets naked and jerks off to his reflection  narcissistic ass cheese grater

**@NiallOfficial** : omg zayn I thought you left the chat like a month ago

**@zayn** : I'm a mystery

**@Harry_Styles** : You guys are so mean ):

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : we roast you with love, cupcake x

**@Harry_Styles** : I'm unadding you

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : wHaT

**@NiallOfficial** : harry nooo . we already adopted him

**@LiamPayne** : I call being the daddy

**@Harry_Styles** : Fine, you can stay. But on one condition

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : which is ??

**@NiallOfficial** : send nudes

**@Harry_Styles** : NIALL

**@NiallOfficial** : what ? we all know you want them anyways

**@Harry_Styles** : That doesn't give you the right to sAy it

**@NiallOfficial** : oops

**@LiamPayne** : no one wants your nudes, louis don't get excited

**@NiallOfficial** : he's already excited bc harry

**@NiallOfficial** : (;

**@Harry_Styles** : I hate you all

**@Harry_Styles** : I'm going to bake

**@LiamPayne** : work the register*

**@NiallOfficial** : manage the money*

**@Harry_Styles** : bYE

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : bye sugar plum

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : while you're in the kitchen, bread isn't the only thing you could bake (;

**@Harry_Styles** : You're right, I could bake a cake

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you could make this cake any day (;

**@Harry_Styles** : You little shit

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you little bitch

**@zayn** : goalz

 


	5. the krusty krew

**@NiallOfficial** : hey crusty crew

**@LiamPayne** : did you just call us crusty

**@Harry_Styles** : I'm insulted

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : square up, bread

**@NiallOfficial** : KAKS IM SORRY I WANTED TO SAY THAT AT LEAST ONCE

**@NiallOfficial:** I saw it on a meme page

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : so harold

**@Harry_Styles** : Who?? I don't know her

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : shut your narcissistic cheese grater lookin ass the fuck up

**@zayn** : don't steal my line you tiny Tim lookin bitch

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : how do you even know what I look like

**@NiallOfficial** : harry sent lots of pics

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : dammit harold

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : btw niall you got it wrong

**@NiallOffical** : got what wrong

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : it's good morning crusty crew not hey . how dare disrespect daddy sponge like that

**@LiamPayne** : you got it wrong AND you called us crusty

**@NiallOfficial** : go to ur room

**@Harry_Styles** : Wait I thought I was the daddy?

**@LiamPayne** : I thought _I_ was the daddy??

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you can all be daddies now stop being salty bitches

**@Harry_Styles** : I can be your daddy (;

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : no

**@Harry_Styles** : Wow r00d.

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : the only way this will work is if I'm the daddy

**@zayn** : shut your horny asses up. I'm trying to paint.

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : yeah everyone shut up so Beethoven can work on his latest piece

**@Harry_Styles** : Louis, Beethoven was a composer, not a painter

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : same shit

**@Harry_Styles** : nO it's nOt

**@NiallOfficial** : hey wait harry are we still going to that thing this weekend ??

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : thing ??

**@Harry_Styles** : Yup

**@NiallOfficial** : sweet .

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I feel out of the loop

**@LiamPayne** : same ):

**@NiallOfficial** : sorry it's a secret thing .

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : mhm

***** **_private message with_ ** **@Harry_Styles***

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : spill it

**@Harry_Styles** : What?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : the tea

**@Harry_Styles** : Oh, it's nothing. Just a small party

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : and I'm not invited ??? I'm hurt, harold

**@Harry_Styles** : You wouldn't wanna come :/

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : and why is that ??

**@Harry_Styles** : Uhm ...

**@Harry_Styles** : It's a sleepover

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : really? that's cute .

**@Harry_Styles** : I mean, you can come if you want (:

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I don't even know where you live lmao you could live in America for all I know

**@Harry_Styles** : I actually live in Cheshire but okay

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : wait really ?? I'm from Doncaster yo

**@Harry_Styles** : The sleepover starts at 7 (:

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : what do boys even do at sleepovers??

**@Harry_Styles** : Each other

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : HARRY

**@Harry_Styles** : I'm jOking

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you're lowkey not

**@Harry_Styles** : rt

 


	6. memes

_*the groupchat*_

**@NiallOfficial** : harry why did that girl call me bread at the market today ??

**@Harry_Styles** : ...

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : do ya like bread

**@LiamPayne** : ya like jazz ??

**@NiallOfficial** : liam this isn't the time for memes . I just got insulted by a 13 year old

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : how is being called bread insulting ?

**@NiallOfficial** : it just is

**@Harry_Styles** : Aw Niall is this because of the thing in secondary school ?

**@NiallOfficial** : dOnt bring that uP

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : me wants to know what happened in secondary school

**@LiamPayne** : me too

**@LiamPayne** : wait

**@LiamPayne** : I knOw what it is (;

**@NiallOfficial** : shut uP liam

**@LiamPayne** : don't be rude );

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : so harry

**@Harry_Styles** : So Louis

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : is the sleepover still on for Saturday ?

**@NiallOfficial** : you are not invited

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : shut up bread

**@NiallOfficial** :

**@Harry_Styles** : Yeah we're still having it

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : ah cool

**@NiallOfficial** : you're nOt inviTed

**@Harry_Styles** : Niall stop being butthurt

**@NiallOfficial** : stop looking like a frog then

**@Harry_Styles** : ribbit

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : did you fuckin make a meme of yourself

**@NiallOfficial** : shut up hedgehog

**@LiamPayne** : stop insulting each other ); we're all friends here

**@NiallOfficial** : shut the fuck up lima bean

**@LiamPayne** : that's fair

**@zayn** : what the fuck are you guys doing now

**@NiallOfficial** : none of your business you stinky bitch

**@zayn** : bye

**@zayn** : I'm muting you guys

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : Niall calm down . it's not even a big deal

**@NiallOfficial** : your dick isn't even a big deal

**@Harry_Styles** : Woah woah woah

**@Harry_Styles** : Is there something I don't know about here ??

**@NiallOfficial** : I'm just predicting that his ego is bigger than his dick

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : at least I'm not a bottle blonde

**@NiallOfficial** : hArry I trusted yOu

**@Harry_Styles** : you sent a pic of yourself . your roots are getting a bit bad

**@NiallOfficial** : ):

_*_ **_@NiallOfficial_ ** _left the chat*_

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : pu$$y

**@LiamPayne** : he's probably making more memes of himself

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : he's probably making memes of us now

**@LiamPayne** : oh no

**_*@Harry_Styles_ ** _added_ **_@NiallOfficial_ ** _to the chat*_

**@NiallOfficial** : I hate all of you

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : we love you too buddy

**@NiallOfficial** :

**@LiamPayne** : well louis we were wrong

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : just wait . he probably has a whole album

**@NiallOfficial** :

**@Harry_Styles** : DELETE

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : what a hottie

**@NiallOfficial** : oH oH harry, put December in your calendar bc louis' gonna ask you out

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : bitch , December comes with the calendar

**@NiallOfficial** :

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I was actually correcting you but ok

**@LiamPayne** : Niall stop being a salty bitch

**@NiallOfficial** :

  
  
**@LiamPayne** : I knew it

**@Harry_Styles** : Niall you're uninvited to the sleepover

**@NiallOfficial** : it's at mY house ??

**@Harry_Styles** : Louis and I will host it at mine

**@NiallOfficial** : okay fine I'll stop

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : about time

**@NiallOfficial** :

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : how the fuck did you find that

**@NiallOfficial** : I have my resources

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : we barely know each other ???

**@NiallOfficial** : your account is public isn't it

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I hate you

**@NiallOfficial** : the feeling is mutual <3

**@LiamPayne** : rt

**@LiamPayne** : jK love you louis <3

**@Harry_Styles** : rt

 


	7. mariwanna

**@Harry_Styles** : Hey Louis

**@Harry_Styles** : Just because you marijuana.. doesn't mean you marishould

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : but I maridont

**@Harry_Styles** : ITS A JOKE YOU BITCH ASS

**@Harry_Styles** : LAUGH

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : oh

**@Harry_Styles** : CUZ MARI(WANNA)

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : ha-ha

**@Harry_Styles** : WANNA-WANT TO

**@Louis_Tomlinson** :

**@Harry_Styles** : THATS SUCH A GOOD ONE I FEEL FUCKING DISRESPECTED IM BLOCKING U

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : sometimes I worry about you

**@Harry_Styles** : do you think cats know they're cats

**@Harry_Styles** : and do you think they understand what they're saying

**@Harry_Styles** : like Spanish

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : sometimes I wonder if you can understand what you're saying

**@Harry_Styles** :  Like how spanish ppl aren't like "nosotros means 'we'" they're just like "nosotros means nosotros"

**@Harry_Styles** : Wait what

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : KAKE

**@Harry_Styles** : That's too complicated a concept for me

**@Harry_Styles** : I'll stick to cats thank u

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : of course

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you'll stick to pussy

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : not this bomb ass dick

**@Harry_Styles** : woah woah

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : woah woah

**@Harry_Styles** : that's a bit harsh

**@Harry_Styles** : I'd go withdrawal

**@Harry_Styles** : THROUGH*

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : LSKDK

**@Harry_Styles** : fuck

**@Harry_Styles** : anywho

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : withdrawal

**@Harry_Styles** : like a drug addict

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : mariwanna

**@Harry_Styles** : hey guess what

**@Harry_Styles** : talking to you is the highlight of my day (;

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : HEY WAIT

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : THE SLEEPOVER IS TONIGHT

**@Harry_Styles** : OH YEAH

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : can't wait (;

**@Harry_Styles** : I baked cupcakes ((:

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : you haven't baked this cake yet

**@Harry_Styles** : hey wait niall hasn't talked to me since Thursday

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : k and

**@Harry_Styles** : idk if he's coming to the sleepover ):

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : brb

_(Private conversation with @_ **_NiallOfficial_ ** _)_

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : hey panini head , are you still coming to the sleep over ??

**@NiallOfficial** : are you gonna be there ?

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : yes

**@NiallOfficial** : then no

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : cmon don't be a meaner . harry wants you there

**@NiallOfficial** : I bet he does

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : so come

**@NiallOfficial** : that's what he said

**@Louis_Tomlinson** :

**@NiallOfficial** : I'm the only one that gets to send memes

**@NiallOfficial** :

  
**@Louis_Tomlinson** : come to the sleepover

**@NiallOfficial** : and if I don't

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'll hunt your little leprechaun ass down and slap you over the rainbow

**@NiallOfficial** : bet

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : bet

( _private conversation with @_ ** _Harry_Styles_** _)_

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : he'll be there

**@Harry_Styles** : Yayayay

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : can't wait to see your cutie patootie tonight (;

 


	8. the salt squad

**@Harry_Styles** : Love me

 **@Harry_Styles** : I've missed you

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm in church hush

 **@Harry_Styles** : you're on your phone in church and you're telling mE to hush??

 **@Harry_Styles** : bitch the lord is watching

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm getting ... holey

 **@Harry_Styles** : wait

 **@Harry_Styles** : it's almost noon

 **@Harry_Styles** : are you really at church

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I have 2 minutes

 **@Harry_Styles** : Tell Jesus his body tastes good

 **@Harry_Styles** : haven't tried his blood yet tho

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : go to communion ya filthy animal

 **@Harry_Styles** : ITS 11:30

 **@Harry_Styles** : YOURE OUT

 **@Harry_Styles** : AMEN

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm on 10%

 **@Harry_Styles** : wanna see a snacc

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : sure

 **@Harry_Styles** :

**@Harry_Styles** : look at my snaCC

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : wait that's not me

 **@Harry_Styles** : I would let him in the back door

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : blocked and reported as spam

 **@Harry_Styles** : no come back I love you more tho

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : hOld uP

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : wait a minute

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : did I read that correctly ?? do I need my glasses ??

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : you love me ????

 **@Harry_Styles** : fuck

 **@Harry_Styles** : it slipped

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : mhm sure , cupcake

 **@Harry_Styles** : oH that reminds me

 **@Harry_Styles** : My step-dad was cleaning out the kitchen cupboard and he pulled down a container of frosting and was like "half a thing of frosting? whats up with that?" and i just go "hey we're keeping that, i eat it when I'm sad"

 **@Harry_Styles** : AND HE LAUGHED

 **@Harry_Styles** : I FEEL JUDGED

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : stfu you were literally sitting under a blanket eating a carton of ice cream while watching 'Gossip Girl' last night

 **@Harry_Styles** : I had to catch up or my sister was gonna spoil season 2

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : you're so cute

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I miss your cuddles ):

 **@Harry_Styles** : I miss your smol self ):

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : oh gimme a break , I'm big

 **@Harry_Styles** : wink wonk

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : so have you heard from the spaghetti head at all

 **@Harry_Styles** : Niall?

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : that's what I said

 **@Harry_Styles** : no, he's been MIA all day . why did he leave last night anyway ?

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : idk said something about being late to an appointment

 **@Harry_Styles** : ...it was 2am

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : all night doctors office ?

 **@Harry_Styles** : I feel like he doesn't like you that much

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : the feeling is mutual

 **@Harry_Styles** : cmon he's a sweet guy

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : he's an annoying meme dealer

 **@Harry_Styles** : that's how he expresses himself

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : being a bitch is how I express myself so let me be

 **@Harry_Styles** : for a bitch, you're very cuddly when you sleep

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : that's funny bc my friend Oli said I choked him when I was sleeping

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : like full on hands around his throat

 **@Harry_Styles** : kinky

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : nah that's you . don't act like I didn't see that collar in your closet

 **@Harry_Styles** : yOu sAw tHat ????

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : oops

 **@Harry_Styles** : did you see anything else?

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : ..no

 **@Harry_Styles** : okay

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : hey hey guess what

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I figured out a name for our groupchat

**_*@Louis_Tomlinson_ ** _changed the name of the groupchat to "the salt squad"*_

**@NiallOfficial** : really bitch ?

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : bc we're all so fuckin salty especially you

 **@Harry_Styles** : Louis be nice

 **@NiallOfficial** : nah harry it's okay . we all know he's the queen bitch of all the lands . let him have his shine

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm glad you've become fully educated on my status

 **@LiamPayne** : wait what's happening

 **@NiallOfficial** : Louis being a bitch as usual

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : Niall being a fucking wombat as usual

 **@LiamPayne** : wombat?

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : yes, that's what he is.

 **@zayn** : you're both beautiful, now shut the fuck up.

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I still h8 u

 **@NiallOfficial** : I still h8 u 2

 ** _*@Harry_Styles_** _has left the chat because of grammatically incorrect uneducated wombats_ *

 


	9. #allthehomo

**@NiallOfficial** : hey bitches

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm not talking to you guys anymore bc you upset my boo

 **@NiallOfficial** : bitch stfu  you were part of it

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : no i was not bc I always talk like that . you're the only grammatically incorrect wombat here

 **@NiallOfficial** : he knows I talk like that too so

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : let's just say it was liam

 **@LiamPayne** : why are you guys attacking me? I'm always grammatically correct

 **@NiallOfficial** :

**@LiamPayne** : why am I a meme

 **@LiamPayne** : omg I didn't even know my face did that

 **@NiallOfficial** :

**@LiamPayne** : I hate you

 **@zayn** : rt

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : where's harreh ?? this chat isn't lively without him )):

 **@NiallOfficial** : probably wanking to your profile picture in the shower

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : wow I'm flattered

**_(@LiamPayne_ ** _added_ **_@Harry_Styles_ ** _to the chat)_

**@Harry_Styles** : are you guys educated yet

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I've missed you terrible, hazza ):

 **@NiallOfficial** : is this a groupchat or a wife greeting her husband after he returns from nam ??

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : shut the fuck up panini head

 **@NiallOfficial** : wow haven't heard that one before

 **@NiallOfficial** : oh wait, I have . from you like last week

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : no one carez

 **@Harry_Styles** : louissss

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : yes darling?

 **@Harry_Styles** : you're a cutie

 **@NiallOfficial** : this is getting too mushy I'm about to kermit

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : you strike me as the kind of guy that says 'no homo' after every convo

 **@NiallOfficial** : I figured out harrys tagline

 **@NiallOfficial** : #allthehomo

 **@Harry_Styles** : accurate

 **@LiamPayne** : why do you guys act like you're dating ?? I know you're not bc harry would've spilled that tea already. he can't keep secrets

 **@Harry_Styles** : I have a secret

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : mind your own business you fuckin lima bean

 **@LiamPayne** : is that supposed to be an insult

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : ya bc people don't like lima beans .

 **@LiamPayne** : people don't like too much salt either and that's what you are

 **@NiallOfficial** : OH OH

 **@LiamPayne** : shut up niall, you are too

 **@NiallOfficial** : oh oh

 **@Harry_Styles** : I have to guitar brb

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : play me a song

 **@Harry_Styles** : I love you bitch

 **@Harry_Styles** : I ain't never gonna stop lovin you.... bitch

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : that was lovely

 **@Harry_Styles** : I'm gonna go guitar, smoke some wee- I'm kidding, don't drugs

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : your so cute

 **@Harry_Styles** : you're***

**_(@Harry_Styles_ ** _has left the chat bc of a grammatically incorrect cutie that needs to get educated before getting fucked)_

**@Louis_Tomlinson** : wHat

 **@LiamPayne** : honey, you got a big storm comin

 


	10. the mystery™️

**@zayn** : I don't think I ever told you people this but y'all are fuckin weird

 **@LiamPayne** : thanks bud, love you too

 **@NiallOfficial** : you told me that yesterday

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : you barely know me

 **@zayn** : have you seen the way y'all act ?

 **@zayn** : niall will always be a child . he's so like "la la"

 **@zayn** : louis be causin some man made chaos tf

 **@zayn** : liam thinks he's kanye

 **@zayn** : harry's kinda just "ooo plants"

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : no harry's not like that

 **@zayn** : oh really

**_(@zayn_ ** _added_ **_@Harry_Styles_ ** _to the chat)_

**@zayn** : hey harry I got a new fern

 **@Harry_Styles** :

**@zayn** : what did I tell you

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : harry how could you

 **@Harry_Styles** : I'll make you a kale smoothie to make up for it, bub ((:

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : keep that healthy shit away from me

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** :

**@Harry_Styles** : the only weeds you should handle are the ones in your garden

 **@Harry_Styles** : #protecttheplants

 **@LiamPayne** : oh dear he's gonna start his own movement now

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : stop this immediately or I'm breaking up with u

 **@Harry_Styles** : we aren't even dating

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : fuk

 **@NiallOfficial** : you're full of empty threats lol

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : you're full of shit lol

 **@NiallOfficial** : this is why I left the sleepover early . you're a little cunt

 **@Harry_Styles** : you said you had a doctors appointment??

 **@LiamPayne** : oop

 **@NiallOfficial** : that too

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I need a doctors note

 **@NiallOfficial** : you're not my teacher shut the fuck up , shorty

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I am 5'9

 **@NiallOfficial** : 'I aM 5'9'

 **@NiallOfficial** :

**@LiamPayne** : that meme is dead

 **@NiallOfficial** : so is your sense of humor

 **@zayn** : niall stop insulting people, that's my job

 **@NiallOfficial** : I thought your job was being a mystery

 **@zayn** : that's more of a hobby

 **@LiamPayne** : the only time you talk to us is to question our lives

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : rt

 **@zayn** : that's my job

 **@zayn** : being a mystery is my hobby

 **@LiamPayne** : you confuse me

 **@zayn** : that's what I do best

 **@NiallOfficial** : you guys should date

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : harold and I should too (;

 **@NiallOfficial** : you don't get to date my best friend bc you're a cunt

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I'm willing to date someone who's friends with untoasted white bread

 **@NiallOfficial** : that is a very sensitive subject for me and I'm going to have to ask you to stop

 **@zayn** : hey niall guess what

 **@NiallOfficial** : what

 **@zayn** : bread

**_(@NiallOfficial_ ** _has left the group)_

 


	11. lewis

**@LiamPayne** : well zayn you've really done it now haven't you

 **@zayn** : tf did i do

 **@Harry_Styles** : You made Niall leave. You and your grammatically incorrect username

 **@zayn** : shut up henry

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : harry what

 **@Harry_Styles** : He didn't capitalize his name

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : I-

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : wait

 **@Louis_Tomlinson** : hang on

 ** _(@Louis_Tomlinson_** _has left the group_ )

 **@Harry_Styles** : oh :(

 **@LiamPayne** : He asked me to add him back in 5 minutes

 **@Harry_Styles** : oh :)

 **@LiamPayne** : you guys are so gay

 **@Harry_Styles** : and you and Zack aren't?

 **@zayn** : bitch it's zayn

 **@Harry_Styles** : k

**_(@LiamPayne_ ** _has added_ **_@lewis_ ** _to the group)_

**@Harry_Styles** : who's she

 **@lewis** : @louis was taken so I had to improvise

 **@lewis** : this is my username now

 **@Harry_Styles** : why'd you change it?

 **@lewis** : to piss you off

 **@Harry_Styles** : thank you, dear

 **@lewis** : but are we all going to ignore the fact that Liam didn't even deny his and zayn's homosexual relationship

 **@zayn** : i'll shut that shit down right now

 **@LiamPayne** : we are not gay

 **@Harry_Styles** : sure, sweaty

 **@Harry_Styles** : can we add Niall back?

 **@lewis** : fuck no

 **@Harry_Styles** : why not? :(

 **@lewis** : have you seen the way he treats me ?? the disrespect

 **@LiamPayne** : he's not that bad

 **@Harry_Styles** : I'll message him and ask him to cooperate

 _(private message with_ ** _@NiallOfficial_** )

 **@Harry_Styles** : hey niall will you come back to the groupchat

 **@NiallOfficial** : will Louis and zayn stop being cunts?

 **@Harry_Styles** : yes

 **@NiallOfficial** : is that a promise?

 **@Harry_Styles** : ... i wish

 **@Harry_Styles** : but if all else fails you can talk to me

 **@NiallOfficial** : ugh

 **@NiallOfficial** : k

**_(@Harry_Styles_ ** _has added_ **_@NiallOfficial_ ** _to the group)_

**@lewis** : hey whole wheat

 **@NiallOfficial** :

**_(@NiallOfficial_ ** _has left the group due to harassment)_


End file.
